I go out for a walk each day. I think about those dark futuristic movies where streets of proud cities are deserted, except for a few anxious individuals scurrying here and there, survivors of the apocalypse. As I walk, face hidden under my mask, the 6ft. foot apart rule is not an issue. Like those movies, these streets are empty too. A flash of color in the distance alerts me that there is a neighbor, bike rider, dog walker who have ventured out as well.
This day’s light is amazing—clear and bright, illuminating everything with saturated color, sharp contrasts. I look up at the sky is so brilliantly blue, bleached white clouds rolling across the heavens. It’s quiet here, deeply quiet, but I don’t mind. I walk under the trees, pause before the flowered gardens along my path. My mind is free.
Suddenly, emotion so strong, rocks me. I reach out into the air to steady myself. What has hit me? My thoughts race to name it, find the source of it. Anxiety. Fear. They swirl through and around me. Are they mine? Are they an invisible something I walked into? Are they floating in the atmosphere like ghosts to capture me? Did the earth move or just inside of me?
Breathe in, breathe out, planting my feet into the sidewalk.
Breathe in, breathe out. I am here, Now.
Nothing has actually changed in the last 30 seconds.
Breathe slow. Do not drift into tomorrow (Inhale)
or six hours or even 60 minutes from now.
Breathe out. I am fine in this moment. (breath) Now.
The sun is still radiant.
BE NOW.
Fiery orange flowers to my left. I am safe.
At my feet, a crack in the cement. Feel my heart beat.
Crisp, fresh air in my lungs. (breath)
I am alive now.
I speak gratitude for my wellbeing in this moment. My health is good-Now. My needs are met–Now. Right here, where I stand, in this moment, I am solid, and free—Now.
Beginning to walk home again, each step, affirms my well-being. I turn my attention to every good thing in my life, all the Good around me, every beautiful thing I have seen, heard, read that is taking place in the midst of this corona event. I give thanks for the goodness of countless people. As I realize the Good, I multiply the Good. And the fullness of the Good is right here, right now, where I am, as I am. (Breath)
Whatever caught me for a moment, it has passed. That spirit of fear has transmuted, not to plague me or anyone again. Instead, I have left a trail of good thoughts in my wake. This spirit of calming energy will bless everyone who crosses its path. I turn the key and enter my home.
I return
to the quiet
space
inside
me.
(Breath)
Eisha A. Mason
March 29, 2020
