Morning routine– stretching, brushing teeth, stepping into the hot shower—when out of the blue, I hear my voice say aloud, “I forgive myself.” What’s that about? Then, almost involuntarily, I find myself repeating the phase again and again, “I forgive myself.”
Nothing special has happened to prompt this mantra. I am not angry or hurt or upset in any way. I cannot associate this “forgiveness” with anything in particular. Yet, I feel compelled to continue reciting, “I forgive myself.” I’m interested now. I start reaching back to incidents and to relationships that I know haven’t felt quite right, the moments I haven’t wanted to think about (so I haven’t), the little moments known only to me, the private thoughts and emotions I’ve harbored, often hidden even from myself.
As I continue to repeat “I forgive myself,” little guilts, little shames, little judgments bubble to the surface… and dissolve. A gentle, quiet compassion for myself floats up inside. Understanding and forgiveness, patience for my ignorance, low self-esteem, co-dependency, trauma and poor choices ripple out through my heart. There are reasons for past actions/inactions and also consequences for which I am responsible. Owning them, releasing the judgments about myself and others, forgiving me, I notice a very subtle shift inside—I’m a little lighter; there’s more space.
I begin to ask for forgiveness from those I have hurt. Quietly I whisper, “Please forgive me, _____.” I am so sorry. Please forgive me.” Ever so delicately, deep down pain that has clung to my heart loosens. I feel it rise, disintegrate and disappear into the air. My heart smiles. I am more connected to Life.
We never know when we will be visited by angels who help us return to who we truly are. We never know when we’ll be touched by Grace.
Opening my heart to myself, I accept the ever-available gift of Grace. I forgive myself. I ask for forgiveness. I return to who we truly are. We never know when we’ll be touched by Grace.
Eisha A. Mason
“The supreme act of forgiveness is when you can forgive yourself for all the wounds you’ve created in your own life…..When you forgive yourself, self-acceptance begins and self-love grows.” – Miguel Angel Ruiz
